17 posts later.....

17 posts ago I was telling the world that I couldn't have kids.  And tonight I popped another round of clomid (which tastes nasty by the way.), and when I say popped I mean stuffed a handful of pills down my throat, and I can't wait for this all to be over.  I am so tired of feeling crappy, getting up every morning at 6:30 to take my temperature (it helps you chart your exact date of ovulation - in my case non-ovulation), and having to take the dreaded pregnancy test at the end of every cycle - but because I am so in tuned with my body knowing what it is going to say.

Please don't think I have become a bitter person who is giving up - if this round works I'll be ecstatic!  But I have found hope in something else - Foster Care.

Remember Joe and I went to camp?  Well, we were in this giant auditorium with all these kids and this praise band singing, and I was just sitting there thinking about kids and how I would like to do foster care someday.  The singer got done with the song and started to tell us how he grew up in the foster care system.......

I don't believe in signs.  I do believe in direct missiles from God, and this is what this was for me.  My heart stopped beating, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.  So I told Joe that night I wanted to quit the drugs and be a foster mom.  He said, well, why don't you pray about it.

And pray we have!

  Last week we had a meeting with a lady at DCS, and in Aug we start our classes to become licensed foster parents.  Then we go through a huge background check and they will start placing kids in our home sometime in the next 5-6 months.  We still have a lot of decisions to make like what age groups we want and such but I feel like everything is falling into place.

Then God through one in just in case I wasn't convinced.  Last nights newspaper, front page headline read "County in need of more foster homes."  I guess there are only 4 foster homes in Dubois County, and 35 foster kids - which means a lot of kids get sent out of county and have to change schools and what not.  It had this great story about a foster mom around here who has been doing it for 5 years and has had 40 kids go through her house!  At one time she had 9!!!!!

Please don't think I've lost it - my house is not big enough for 9, but I really can't wait to get some little kiddos in here and hug them and show them that they are special, even for a day.  And if a day turns into 360, or forever I will be happy with that too.

Do I think we are never going to have kids that have Joseph's curls?  I have no idea.  But I do know that we are right where we need to be.

Will I ever get over that wondering if I'm pregnant?  Yes, when I hit menopause.

Will we still do this if this round of clomid works?  Maybe not right away, but yes.

Will I get my family of 7?  You bet.

Will we ever do fertility treatments again?  I really don't know.

(This series of questions is a little homage to my doctor, who always talks in questions.  Don't know why, but I still like him.)